Elmer Fudd Strikes Again

My husband and I detest squirrels.

 Oh yeah, they have cute little faces and bushy tails.  They scamper up and down trees chasing one another in a perpetual game of tag.  They seem to be all smiles and fun.  Then the destruction begins.

Once they had eaten away at our roof and entered into the attic, they set up house.  The scratching and gnawing noises we could hear, thinking the roof would fall in any moment, made the hair on the back of our necks stand on end.  We set traps.  The squirrels simply laughed at us.

I read online that moth balls would drive them out.  Purchasing seven bags of moth balls, I shinnied up the attic access in our closet.  Brushing away spiders (YUCK!) I tossed the moth balls into the attic, one by one.  (I couldn’t get that moth ball stink off my hands for a couple of days!)  I had tossed them throughout the attic area during the morning hours.  Throughout the day, it was quiet.  It seemed I had won!  Peace would be restored to our home!

Then I heard the chatter and the scraping.  It sounded as though they were rearranging the moth balls to suit their decorating taste!  Personally, I think they shoved them all over to the attic access because the smell in our closet and bedroom was overwhelming!  We could barely sleep for the stink of moth balls and the gnawing of the squirrels! 

We made repairs to the roof.  We cut down all the trees and shrubs near our house.  The first time that rotten squirrel ran it’s normal “run” it stopped short, looked up, looked back, looked up again and scratched his head!  Fubarred!

A friend loaned Bob, my husband, a BB gun.  He assured me he probably couldn’t  hit one, for starters and that BB guns would only sting them, not kill them.  Those dog-gone squirrels knew that too.  Those comedians!  Those over-acting hams!  Bob shot at a squirrel sitting on our fence, it literally threw up its front paws and did a back flip off the fence.  We could plainly see where Bob had shot the garbage container and didn’t even come close to that fuzzy tailed glory hog.

Today, however, he got the little dickens!  Or we think he did, anyhow.  The squirrel jumped from the fence into a nearby Maple tree, where it slung around a limb holding on by its two back paws. (Looked like a big bat to me) Slowly, it let go with one paw, dangling dangerously. My heart actually went out to the little fella.  I began to feel badly of my disdain.  Finally it dropped to the ground….only to leap over the fence and into the neighbor’s yard.  

My husband and I detest squirrels.