Blog
Hop #14 Writers Post
Serenity
Do
you see me there? I’m in the upper left
hand side of the photo? Yes, yes, there,
you can just make out my foot on the pedal.
No, this is not the front line of
the racers….we are pretty much at the back of the pack. This was taken shortly before my spill….
You’ve
done them, the benefit race. Most are
run/walk sort of thing. I and my twin
sister Sue thought it would be a “good” thing to do, ride bikes in a benefit
ride. I don’t know why I agree to most
of what she suggests. I know
better. I have learned. And yet, I am addicted to the laughter that
ensues every time we “do” something! Sue is riding just behind me….not a good
place to keep an instigator….out of eye sight!
No,
we aren’t really twin sisters…more like I’m Ethel to her Lucille Ball!! As you can see, she got us matching muumuus…flattering! They do have cool pockets at the side, large
enough to stow a bottle in! Not that I
would ever do that…back to the race and my spill…
Sue
stopped by the other day, she plied me with gifts (she thrives on re-gifting as
a way to de-clutter HER house) then asked if I had gotten my flu shot yet. Actually, no I hadn’t. Well, would I please go with her. She
said the needle didn’t bother her.
She said she didn’t care it
if hurt. She said she just hated “taking
the time” to go get the shot. Right….not
allowing for any excuses. No stuttering,
no stammering on her part. I grabbed my
purse and said “Ok, let’s go right now”.
Low and behold, after a few “Whaddameans?” she acquiesced and we struck
off to Walgreens to get our shots.
Sue
had come over with her flu shot paperwork already filled out, as I leaned on
the Walgreen’s counter filling out my paperwork, she was over rummaging through
the Clearance shelves. Proud as a
peacock, she ran back to show me her 100 count band aids for $1.00! “I got the last box”, she crowed.
We
walked up and down the aisles for a little while, then settled into the “waiting
area” chairs. I always imagine those arm
rests are just breeding grounds for every germ out there! Anyhow, there was a sweet young thing being flirty
with the needle bearing torturer. “I’m
just sayin’ my Dad got the flu right after he got the shot last year. Tee-hee-hee”.
Her skinny jeans did look good. I
leaned over to Sue and whispered, “I don’t know her, but I hate her”.
Instigator
that my twin sister is…she said loudly, “I don’t know what you mean, I think
those jeans look really good on her”.
Yeah, that kind of friend. I just
looked away….
We
were tee-heeing ourselves when the needle bearing torturer called my name. Well, he didn’t actually call MY name since
he mispronounced it and called me Lay…(Leigh is pronounced Lee as in Janet
Leigh or Vivian Leigh…) . My mother is
from Oklahoma, but she wouldn’t name a daughter
a name like Lay! I digress… The young fella became a little flustered
when I called Sue over to watch….after a very quick jab, he said I was his
first “bleeder”….yeah, ‘cause my
jeans weren’t the same cut as the sweet young thing! Ok, so even if they were
the same cut, they certainly wouldn’t hang the same!!!! Anyhow, to prove that my sweet twin really
didn’t want to go get the shot, she had worn a long sleeve t-shirt that I had
to help hold up so she could actually get her shot. She looked at me and said, in her best Kung
Fu Master voice, “Grasshopper, you should have relaxed, you should have allowed
the serenity to flow within you.” She didn’t bleed. She said
it didn’t hurt. I don’t believe her…..
Oh
yeah, my spill…..for this particular benefit, we actually plied ourselves…asked
other people for donations and everything.
Yeah, usually we just show up flip a few bucks and call it a day. This time we really tried. This time we were really proud of
ourselves. We talked other people into
entrusting US with their $$$$money$$$$! Suckas!!!
Sue
is the friend that rearranged Dan’s home, while we were only supposed to be
walking his dog, while he was gone to the other side of the state to go
shopping with a “date”. And after all
the decorating we did, he didn’t even buy us anything…..we were giggling so
much, neither of us remembered to take a camera…duh!
Sue
belongs to a gang. Yeah, I said a
gang. My four-foot nuthin’ red-headed
friend is a gang member. They call themselves the Dillard’s. Eight or nine women, of a certain age, who
get together several times a year for the sole purpose of reaffirming their
friendship. They have given themselves “alter
ego” names. Their alternate first names
are all different, but to be a part of the Dillard’s, their last names are all
Dillard. I know…. And you thought Secrets of the Ya Ya Club was a show…well,
this is the real deal. I hope someday
one of them writes a book telling us all of their secrets!! I bet they have a handshake and
everything!! Ooh la-la! Based on the
small excerpts she has shared, they terrorize where ever they go!
Sue
recently quit smoking also. No, I didn’t
quit just to “be like Sue”. Gee
whiz! But, between her and my husband,
Bob…..I thought it was the path of least resistance on my part….anyhow, Sue
told me she too could smell much better.
She came to my house and verified that normal people couldn’t smell the
kitty litter box. Thank you Sue! She confessed the smell she can’t get rid
of. She has an older dog, Amos. Amos has the worst breath you have ever thought of! He is really pretty old, can’t see, can’t hear….every
once in a while he finds a nugget laying in the grass…and eats it!!!! THAT’S how his breath smells!! I’m glad my cats think not using a litter box
is barbaric! They may eat a bug now and then…but no NUGGETS!
Oh
yeah, my spill….Well, Sue and I decided to actually pedal during the “race”. Like I would actually dart around the race
track…those days left a long time ago…hello!
So, while making certain all the racers were ahead of us…yes, we checked
out more than a few behinds…she pulled a small flask from some secret hidden
place in her “biker” outfit. I think she
must have been a girl-scout, she is always prepared. We passed the flask back and forth, slogging
down the nectar within, when suddenly I hit a gravel patch! Crap, I was holding the flask! Crap, I was losing control! Crap, I was starting to fall over! One handed bike control… one handed flask
control…no one was watching the brain!!
Good heavens, luckily for my knees (grew up not knowing you weren’t
supposed to have skinned up knees) we
were barely moving along. I hopped off
the bike allowing it to lie down and slide a few feet. But what of the flask?? Well, I spilt a few drops while gaining my
balance. Sue said that was my turn, then
I swallowed her turn too!
*composing myself so I can see this box*
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely nuts! and fun. and Sue is just my kind of gal, I can tell. Skinned knees is a small price to pay for saving the flask!
Thx for the morning laugh out loud!
Hate to say, but if it hadn't been for the flask, you probably wouldn't have had the spill. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteI love your sense of humour. I love this post. Giggle giggle. I am a identical twin for real
ReplyDeleteLOL, awesome post!! I can just imagine you biking along sharing a flask and the inevitable spill!! Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteKathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/
She sounds like someone who would be fun to hang around.
ReplyDeleteJoyce
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com