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Friday, October 19, 2012

Dear Past / Future Me



Dear Past/Future Me

Blogfest #19 is being hosted by Jessie Williams





Contemplating the full length mirror, I slip my nightgown up over my head.  Not as easy to do now that I have a touch of bursitis in my shoulder from throwing bales of hay up over my head in my youth.  Thankfully, I've replaced most of my night clothes with button less tops.  The arthritis in my hands and fingers makes those nearly impossible first thing in the morning.   Buttons become easier to maneuver later in the day.  I’m not ready to meet the Velcro and elastic waist pants me, but I know she’s just around the corner.


Running my hands over my stomach, I remember the days as a UPS delivery driver, at the gym I could pump out 100 men’s style push up then hop over and do just as many chin ups.   Belly sagging somewhat, I look at the bags of clothing I have ready to go to Goodwill.  I’m no longer comfortable wearing that size or style. Muffin top may be a “thing”, but not my “thing”.  I’ll buy the next size larger and determine to walk more often.

In the past two years, I have become more sedentary in my lifestyle and it shows on my body.  I quit smoking and filled my hands and mouth with food.  In two years my bra size has gone from an A to a C cup.  It’s rather uncomfortable having larger breasts.  They are a bit saggy, they get in the way, they make my arms swing a different way when I walk, and they bump things.  I have cleavage and I am really not used to that!

My fingertips run over my top lip, which is now lined with cigarette lines, whistle lines, and ooh lines.  My favorite are the ooh lines.  I have some jowls started and my cheeks have begun the “old person” sink.  I look in the mirror and see my mother, wondering how in the world she got there.  She gives me a glimpse of how I will appear to others when I reach her age. 

I have read that clumsiness is a big part of menopause.  I don’t think I’m as much clumsy as I don’t have a clue what my size is.  I hit corners of walls or the back side of chairs as I walk past them.  Bruised and battered is definitely a part of menopause! 


Along with losing my past body, I am beginning to lose my past friends.  I am very sad about this.  Some of my past friends have been blood relatives, others are not.  The change in my life style makes me think of the song by Seals & Crofts “We May Never Pass This Way Again”.   I won’t have those friends to go on vacation with, spend a Friday night at the burger bar, spend a weekend get away at a cottage, share our wins and losses at the casino, or share the accomplishments of our children or grandchildren.  New friends may be on the horizon, but for today, I relish in the past shenanigans of my youthful friends and try to clasp tightly to the ones I currently have.

My past has shaped me for what I will become tomorrow, as it does everyone.  I only hope I can live up to the expectations I had in my youth. My husband has a friend whose mother just won a 5K race, she is 90 years young.  She began walking on her treadmill when she was in her 70’s.  I think this is the future I would like for me, so to begin, I either walk or ride our stationary bike every day.  I may not become as svelte as quickly as I would like.  But, I think I have some time. 

Planning to live past 92 and reach for 100.  I know I have to take care of this body, I have to keep my mind as sharp as I can, I have to love as many people as I run into since joy and love are best when reciprocated.  I am preparing for this longer life by going back to those basics I developed long ago; exercise, laughing, eating healthier (I am gathering canning supplies to begin that path again as well), laughing, sharing my life with everyone around me, laughing, telling my friends how much they mean to me, and of course laughing.  Come join me on my journey!

leigh


16 comments:

  1. I am sorry that you have lost some of your past/old friends but do believe new friends are in the horizon. Things will just work out the way it is and for now, I love your healthy lifestyle and the long life that you are aiming for.

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    1. Thank you so much for being a part of my life and life story! Thank you.

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  2. was just thinking that this morning; how I haven't exactly lost past friends, but we've grown apart except perhaps over Facebook. And I have new friends, but few close ones. Those are still from the past, thankfully....

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    1. I visited a friend I hadn't seen in a few months, she is now in the care of Hospice with her lung cancer. Thank you for being a part of my life story. Thank you for sharing.

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  3. Losing past friends happens to everyone I do believe. I think it is because as people we all grow and become different people. But there are always new friends in the future!! Loved reading your take on the prompt! Great Post :)

    Jessie

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    1. The ability to share a joke, based on relationship history, is the BEST laugh in the world. Hang on to those you have already in your life, for with all their warts and foibles, they are part of YOU. Thank you for being a part of my life story!

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    2. Lung cancer lady loves you very much, and wants to thank you for all the FUN over the years!

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  4. What a great entry and I love the accompanying photos. Many best wishes to you. Glad I found you today via BlogFest!

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  5. Thank you Ms. Julie! Hope to hear more from you and I am sure you will be seeing me! Thank you for becoming a part of my life story!

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  6. This was a great entry and encompassed all those crazy feelings a person encounters as we age and look to what the future holds.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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    1. At least for me, it seems each "stage" of my life has left me grasping for some sort of hold on what in the world is happening! (slow learner, I guess) Thank you so much for reading my stories, you are a part of my life story!

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  7. Oh my loving and laughing friend...I really enjoyed this. That cute guy with the adorable little angel in the last picture are a couple of your treasures.

    So very happy he brought us together. ♥

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  8. Great post...and it got me thinking. I went thru early menopause at 37. So the symptoms you spoke about really reminded of what I went thru...

    Also, I feel like I already lost my friends when I moved away after I got married. I got the ties early and pretty much spend most of my time, outside of work, alone. Although I am married, it's different that having those "girl" friends who you used to hang out with...so I understand how you feel.

    Susan
    Today's Working Woman
    http://todaysworkingwoman25.blogspot.com/

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    1. Susan, it IS difficult! My menopause books all say that menopause brought on by surgery or very early brings a whole different set, typically more poignant that the later natural causes of menopause. Nobody told me these would be the side effects of a hysterectomy! Moving away from your "safety net" and social structure is VERY difficult and nearly impossible to reconstruct. The girl friend network is so valuable, and we don't even "get" it until we lose it. I'm glad I can count you as a friend. Thank you.

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  9. I hate losing past friends--I find it heartbreaking. I know you'll have others that will come along--but it is never the same. Great post Leigh. I love to read your posts!!

    Cheers, Jenn.

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  10. People come into our lives when we need them and leave when it's time for us to move on. Loved your post.
    Here's mine Dear Past Future Me

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